Couples Counseling

Couples Therapy

Working with couples is one of my greatest joys as a therapist. Though relationship therapy is not for the faint of heart, potential minefields abound with two adults engaged in battle, it is the greatest victory when I am able to assist couples in finding their way back to loving each other, filled with renewed vitality, increased emotional trust and vulnerability, much improved relationship hygiene, effective communication skills and importantly, an ability to have fun and enjoy each other.

Stage 1

I generally see couples when they get to the point of realizing that if they don’t seek help, their relationship may not make it. By this time it is not an understatement to say that there has been a major breakdown in trust, good will, emotional and sexual intimacy. Instead, I see two people clearly suffering over their loss of a loving partnership, deeply polarized, frustrated, confused and not knowing where to begin to find their way home to each other.

It is more the rule than exception, that couples lose their way in long term partnerships or marriage. Over time, emotional and sexual intimacy can diminish owing to the challenges and vicissitudes of life and can lead to distancing, infidelity, growing apart rather than together. Differences may turn into judgements triggering anger and arguments. Criticisms are levied that are not constructive, unmet hopeful expectations turn into disappointment, bad habits of disrespect develop that become toxic to the relationship, boundaries are violated. These are but a few of the most common problems that I encounter in my practice.

Stage II

Relationship work takes time. Bad habits, toxic patterns, alienation and deeply hurt feelings do not subside or heal quickly. Therefore, before agreeing to work with a couple, I need to know that both parties are equally committed. This may be for a specified period of time to evaluate the viability of their relationship or that they are committed to their marriage/partnership and separating is not an option. This agreement represents a safe container, that of trust, honesty, commitment. Relationship therapy can be a long and winding road. Achieving success requires a solid commitment to the process.

Relationship Yoga, in the words of Ram Dass, is not a path for the weak of heart and one of the most challenging of all “yoga” practices. And yet, a spouse or life partner has the potential to be truly one of life’s greatest gifts. Heartfelt effort and time spent cultivating and nourishing your marriage or partnership, will yield immeasurable rewards over a lifetime.

I have been influenced by many experts in the field of relationship therapies and incorporate these in my work with couples. I stay current on new theories, techniques, tools and practices.

“Every criticism, judgement, diagnosis

and expression of anger,

is the tragic expression of an unmet need.”

Marshall Rosenberg